In the middle

I'm very tired today.
I've spent the last couple of weeks dealing with things that don't fit.
Clothing that was too big (yippee!) is in the trunk-some destined for the tailor and more for donation.
Some people have been told that they no longer have a seat at the table and some have been welcomed back in. I still have a few people micromanaging "for my own good" who are being politely reminded that it's my life, not theirs to live vicariously through.
Cleaning out mental and physical spaces... Adding and reconfiguring patterns that have been so entrenched for so long is full of emotion. I vacillate from anxious to excited to doubtful to committed to oh shit.
The petulant little kid in me who is digging in her heels against any of this is still angry that her vision for what my life should look like hasn't worked out. Despite the fact she never planned and never followed through. The pleaser in me can't believe my audacity for putting myself and my health and needs first. She wonders who I think I am. They're both punishing me. Awful food choices (chips, too many grains, to much fat, sugar and bingeing) have my body completely out of whack right now. I'm not sleeping at night, but can't keep my eyes opened after lunch. I'm snappish and I have had a series of stomach craps over the last few weeks that I've never felt before. They would say that me feeling awful is just a sign that I shouldn't be trying to change things. I disagree. If anything the upheaval means I'm doing something right.
The only question is how to stop the damaging behavior, because I don't know if I can outlast them.